There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
