i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
