Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
my poor anus
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
