Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
