chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
