my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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