I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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