Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Holy shit dude........stairs
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
