i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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