So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
