you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
