I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
