remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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