this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
