I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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