Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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