i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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