i need an iv and a liver transplant
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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