Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
