if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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