I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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