It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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