Someone shit on the floor
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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