Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
