All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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