After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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