Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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