you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize