arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
