I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
