So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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