FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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