I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
