they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Floor bacon is actually really good
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
