just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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