his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
