i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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