if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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