My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
