so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Couch. On fire.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
