Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
