You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
