No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
