Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
how does that bad decision feel?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
