I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
