it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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