ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he puts the penis in happiness.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
