OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
