I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
