i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
