Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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