Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
