Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
