Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
im on a boat
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