Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
