so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
