Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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