I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
