I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
