Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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