Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize