he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
