hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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