i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
