he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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