hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
this just has baby written all over it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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