I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
