I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm really busy with my period
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