Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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