So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
