Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
