it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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