Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
