I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
