Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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