Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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