ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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