there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
