does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
