Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
