Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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