it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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