I'm going to jail i love you
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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