hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
