miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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