I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
