At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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