He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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