Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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