In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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