Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
