i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
