Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
