Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
