She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
